Monday, 30 May 2011

The Single Issue.

I have been "single" since 2nd August 2010. That's what? 9 Months and 28 days. (I'd like to add I only just counted, it's not a countdown (or up?!?) I regularly call to mind! 
But in reality, single is just a label, our heart, mind and feelings define our status exactly. So how long have I been fully single, heart and mind not occupied, not flirting with or considering someone? Probably closer on weeks, then months.
See, I have a confession... I like boys, I like being in a relationship. I like good morning texts, cuddles, having someone to call when it all gets a bit much, I like compliments and kisses. and I like having someone around to look after me. 
But, after my head and well... my ego took a few too many bruisings. I made a decision.
Single. Wholeheartedly. 
Physically, emotionally, mentally single.
No kissing, flirting, dating (yeah... coz I'm always going on dates... NOT!) and also, no sizing up every eligible guy as a potential boyfriend, (yes, that's an awful habit I've gotten in to)

Because it gives me time to heal, to grow in my relationship with God, to understand myself better, to deal with some emotional baggage which I really don't want to bring into my next relationship and because actually, it's totally ok to be single and in some respect, be selfish.

As a young Christian, I see couples getting married all around me. It's almost expected that if you're not married by 25 there must be something wrong. Why is that? In the secular world, 25 is just out of university, maybe moving in with your partner, working on your career. Why can't the same be true for Christian couples or dare I say... singles? 
At the end of the day, I'm 19. I've faced a lot in 19 years. I'm currently on a very demanding gap year, I've barely got time to breathe some days, so I'm in total awe of anyone able to give their relationship the tie it needs. 

I want to be able to give everything to my next relationship. Of course I'd like to get married, it's my biggest dream. But right now, I don't want to be starting a relationship when old scars are still healing, when I'm still able to cry over the ex boyfriends or, worse, the guys that "nearly were". I want to be able to give my all, my heart- fully fit for him, my time and my future.

Until I can do that, I'm going to take some time out. Grow in who I am, get to know God a bit better and maybe... just maybe .... understand a bit more about the man I'm meant to be with.

Besides, my onesie isn't ready to share me yet.

Love Laura 

p.s. another confession, I pretty much suck at being wholly single. but I'm learning. 

1 comment:

  1. Ah, love it! And as a 30 something - i feel your pain. the words stuck on and shelf being inferred if not verbalised by many. It is going to be difficult but stay strong - you will know when you are ready!


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