Sunday, 21 May 2017

Our (in)fertility Story

I've thought long and hard about writing this post and I know some people will see this as oversharing. Please know I don't write this for sympathy but I was reminded yesterday of the power of stories. Particularly the power of stories from the in the midst instead of from a place of resolution. 

Rising Strong - Brene Brown
Brene Brown

 Besides, this blog is meant to be my space on the internet and it would be wrong to ignore what is currently a huge part of our lives right now.So this is our story and I'm telling it. I also hope that in sharing this I help somebody. That by sharing, someone won't feel as alone as I have felt at times in this journey. Side note, I'm not going into certain details of my relationship with Andy or anything like that, I do think somethings just don't need to be shared! 

I have always wanted to be a mum, for as long as I can remember. When we got married we decided to enjoy the first year, just us and then try for a baby. But, obviously I was impatient so it was more like 9 months. Most of what I'd heard from people around me was that getting pregnant was easy, so I told myself the voice in the back of my head telling me something was going to go wrong, was just me being a worrier and assumed I'd be pregnant within a month or two (I now know on average it can take between 12-18 months regardless). While I tried to tell myself that I wouldn't be obsessive, this is me, so of course, I tracked things on an app and kept records and honestly, now I'm glad I did. 

In December I was late, that never happens. Several negative tests later I went to the doctors. Where the nurse proceeded to make me cry. She started with "Well, those tests are very accurate so you're obviously not pregnant" (a lovely way to talk to someone who has just said they want to have a baby) then gave a long lecture on being obsessive, worrying too much and how I should relax (one day I might compile a list of things not to say to someone who is trying to conceive, this would be the top!) Then ended with, "aren't you a bit too young to try for a baby?" I left in tears and vowed to change surgeries. 

Six months into trying and my cycles were everywhere. Which for me was the bigger than concern than not yet being pregnant. So having changed surgeries, we went back to the doctors. Andy accompanied me this time because I'm pretty passive and would have accepted a brush off. 

This time, they were fantastic. He suggested it was perfectly normal, that these things can take 12-18 months but they'd send me for initial blood tests to check there wasn't anything "glaring". Well, it turns out there was something.

Three days after my first blood test, the surgery rang to say they needed to discuss my results. Naturally, I freaked out and wasn't placated by being told that there was a 2-week wait for an appointment. There's an ongoing joke at work that I am useless at asserting myself, not this time. I rung the next day and got an on the day appointment. 

The GP we saw that day was absolutely amazing. The blood test had shown abnormally low hormone levels (and coincidentally, Vit D so he suggested I go somewhere sunny, I mean, ok.. can you give me a doctor's note for that??). The plan of action was to send me for another blood test at a later stage that month. But then he asked how long we'd been trying, around 8 months at this point. I held my breath for "well, you'll have to wait until the 12-month mark". But instead, he said, "life is too short. You have better things to do, have these tests and we'll refer you" I could have kissed him.

So last week my second blood tests came back. The same results, unfortunately, we saw a different GP. Who said, "you'll have to wait until 12-months". Again, I think I'm developing some sort of Mumma-bear instincts for my unborn babies because for once, I was assertive and insistent they refer us. 

The 12-month mark is the stage at which we are classed as infertile. Hence the brackets in my post title. 

So, now we wait, they may well push back and make us wait until September. They can also take up to 18-weeks to see us. For me, the patience and the waiting are the worst part. They are definitely not my strong point. Also, it's rare that I don't have a plan so I'm floundering at this point. 

So what do we do now? We wait, and we pray. I'm definitely learning how to pray for this and not run to other people to do all the supporting. While we wait I'm going to keep tracking so I feel like we've got all the facts when we see the specialist. Hilariously, my friend said on Friday if anyone was going to be the perfect patient for this kind of thing it would be me! I'm also looking into what changes I can make to my diet and potentially acupuncture.

How do I feel? Mostly sad, I'm grieving for the life I expected this time last year. I'm sad that my body isn't doing what I hoped it would do and as a result, I feel like I've let Andy down. I feel angry. But I'm also trying to feel hopeful and thankful for Andy, for the unwavering love and support of our family and friends, for proactive, kind doctors and the ability for us to get these test and get these answers.  

I'm sorry for this blabbering, essay of a post. If you've stayed with me this far, thank you for letting me tell our story. 

Thursday, 11 May 2017

Mayberry Jamberry Picks May 2017

Chloe from Mayberry Jamberry is back this week with her Jamberry picks for May.

Oh wow...where did April go?  Completely missed writing my blog post..  sorry guys and girls! 

But I'm here for May. So hiya! Anyone that missed March please feel free to read it here... 

My top pick for May actually isn't a wrap (shock horror) but one of Jamberry's super lovely trushine gels! 

Before we got trushine in the UK I had massive nail envy of anyone wearing this gorgeous, pink and sparkly gel...

Introducing.. Tutus and tiaras!

It's massively versatile

Here's my jamicure wearing it alongside going dotty wrap.

Mayberry Jambery

And my mum wore it with simply plaid... 

Mayberry Jambery

But you can also wear it on its own or use it to add a little sparkle as an accent nail over a more subtle gel such as we're blushing. 

Mayberry Jambery

Shop the full trushine range here. The full kit is an absolute bargain (the same price of 3.5 visits to the salon!) 

For more info on jamberry follow this link or find me on Facebook Mayberry Jamberry!

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Review: Lightning Under Their Skirts at Action Transport Theatre

Lightning Under Their Skirts

With the opening of Storyhouse, Chester, tomorrow, it's very easy to get excited about theatre. However, it's also reminded me how many amazing, small theatres we have locally. Last week I visited St Mary's Creative Space and then last night I was back at Action Transport Theatre.

Lightning Under Their Skirts
Credit: David Knight Portraits

After the very serious, heart-wrenching play last week I was looking for something a little bit more whimsical, especially as my best friend is visiting from America and is still a little jetlagged. Lulled by the promise of Babycham and cheese and pineapple on sticks we paid a visit to the first ever showing of Lightning Under Their Skirts. 

Lightning Under Their Skirts is an experimental theatre piece combining drama, poetry and music. Written by former Poet Laureate, Joy Winkler, it's about the dreary, monochrome 1950s making way for a bright, new decade. 

From the outset, Lightning Under Their Skirts is a riot of colour, music, humour and with just enough family drama and grit to keep it relatable. The cast is made up of just three actors, portraying a number of characters, this kind of acting always awes me as each actor easily transitions to a new person, story, background. 

We were whirled from a drab semi, dominated by a secretive mother to the rocking dance halls and the coffee bar, where dreamer Sandy stands and watches, before finally taking a stand and beginning to live for herself. The triumphant conclusion had the audience cheering, as she flounced away in her block coloured mini-dress. 

The play itself is one part. However, after a quick turn-around, we were invited back to "Sounds of the 60s". I won't ruin the surprise of this, but it was an amazing piece of interactive theatre, a chance to mingle and interact with other audience members and enjoy the musical talents of cast members, Josie Cerise and Harvey Robinson. 

An extra credit goes to Joy Winkler, who not only wrote a fantastic, fun play but also took to the stage for her first time. 

With funding from The Arts Council, Lightning Under Their Skirts is a Storm in the North Production. Tickets are still available for dates across the North West and details can be found here.  

As ever, Action Transport Theatre has a lot of great plays coming up. Find out more here

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Review: Theatre in the Quarter Presents The Lost Boy

I have just got back from an evening with friends watching The Lost Boy at St Mary's Creative space, Chester. 

Theatre in the quarter: The Lost Boy
Credit: Mark Carline

"The Lost Boy highlights the plight of young refugees in today’s uncertain world. It is a story of innocence, of fear of the unknown and ultimately a magical tale of acceptance."

The play is written by Stephanie Dale with original music from Chester's much loved, Matt Baker and performed by the fantastic Theatre in the Quarter team. 

The Lost Boy entwines the story of a Syrian Refugee with the daily struggles of a former fishing village affected and made bitter by the loss of trade and a feeling of helplessness. Both issues are dealt with sensitively, whilst also highlighting key statistics and challenging major stereotypes regarding refugees and asylum seekers.

Set in a Seaside town, as the preparations for Christmas gear up (yes, Christmas carols feature) the story is led by young Maddie, a girl bought up by a  former fisherman father who's down on his luck and an ever-optimistic mum (teaching assistant and choir director!) The radio news tells us that five men have been spotted on a boat but have escaped from police capture. That is all that is known about them, but we're about to find out a lot more. 

My word is it powerful. I thought I'd made it to the end without crying, but when the lights came up I was still sobbing. Please don't let that put you off. The Lost Boy is essential viewing. It tackles the uncertainty we're still passing as we head towards another election, 

Not only does The Lost Boy tackle the plight of young refugees by using the stage as a literal platform to tell their stories but it also addresses the local political climate, giving voice to those who voted to leave the EU, to those who feel disenfranchised and to those who feel helpless and unsure. 

Theatre in the quarter: The Lost Boy
Credit: Mark Carline

I have come away feeling educated and with the desire to act, to make a difference.

My hope is you will go and see The Lost Boy, it is on at St Mary's Creative Space until 7th May, but I also hope that it will tour, that other cities, towns and communities will be able to enjoy this thought-provoking piece and that it'll bring understanding and compassion.

Tickets can be booked here

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