Friday, 29 April 2016

Why I Stopped Apologising for my House


The other day a good friend text me to ask if I was free that afternoon because she was vising Chester. At the time I was trying to get our dinner in the slow cooker as well as prepping food for some friends who recently lost their dad but I was free to see her later. But then my mind went in to overdrive: 


".. the house is a mess .. 
the kitchen needs a good clean.. 
and the bathroom.. 
ohh the living room is untidy..
I better not let her come here..
Unless I don't go for a walk with Andy and just spent the afternoon cleaning"

What is up with that ? 

Please don't get me wrong. I am very house proud. But perhaps not in the traditional sense: I am proud of what our flat represents. It represents our first home, Andy's hard work and saving. Of course I'm proud of that. But occasionally the housework slips.

Also, I make no excuses. I don't have kids or animals. I obviously have a husband, but apart from his hesitant to wipe down the kitchen sides after baking, he's tidier than me. But, occasionally things get busy and again the housework slips. and sometimes, I'm lazy or busy. 

But those feelings from Saturday: I've named them house anxiety. The feeling that my house isn't "good enough" that I have to apologise to a good friend who's known me for years, and even lived with me, for the mess. The feeling that I can't get on and enjoy my day in the sunshine because I *need* to clean. Because I know what I'm like, I'll start just giving the bathroom a quick clean and I wind up scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees or deciding now is the time to polish the skirting boards. 

So that's why I stopped apologising. I deleted the message that said "I'm sorry for the mess", I offered to meet her elsewhere but explained how I was feeling, I spent a bit of time tidying up for my peace of mind and then I went out. But I stopped apologising, and I vowed to continue to stop apologising.

Because, people aren't coming to see my flat. They're coming to see me and Andy. They're being welcomed into our home and actually, I'm going to be more welcoming if I haven't just snapped at Andy for daring to use the toilet I'd just scrubbed (sorry, darling). So I've taken a stand against sending the apology text and to be proud of all our flat, chaos and all, stands for. 

The truth is, if they're a good friend, they won't care and besides who ever walked into a house and said "Oh wow, don't your skirting board look clean?"

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