Tuesday, 15 July 2014

What Next?


Yesterday my friend Esther shared a beautiful post updating her life and that of her husband, Matt. It made me well up. I've chosen not to share it directly from here, because it's not my place to. But perhaps Esther will share it below. I was so inspired by their grace and perseverance despite not being able to answer the question: what next??

And that's kind of the situation I'm in right now. The difference being I haven't responded with the same level of grace, perseverance or in fact, prayer as they have.  In fact, I've been in a funk recently. I don't tend to talk about my struggles with depression on my blog, not intentionally it's just never been a topic that's really come up. But I think for a lot of graduates depression is something that frequents this time of our life. More so if it's an illness your disposed to. Because right now, for many, its quite anticlimactic. 

I've always been a plans girl. I had my gap year sorted two years ahead, my UCAS deferred a year and I'm rarely seen without my filofax. To not be able to answer the ever frequent question of 'what's next?' was quite difficult for me. It got to a point before America where I stopped asking people because I didn't want to answer myself. 

Now I'm back I've started my new job. I enjoy it, the people are nice, the hours are ok and it's paying the bills and chipping away at my debt. However... I've always been a heart girl. My recent decisions have had to be from the head. Choosing to get rid of my car instead of forking out the £500+ to fix it, taking a job that isn't relevant to the degree I've been working there years for. Choosing to move in to Andy's mums house- which although I'm excited to be with my boy every night is not exactly what I'd hoped for and I'm super stressed about fitting allll my stuff in!

But if I'm honest part of my hesitancy is that I don't know what I WANT to do. I've gone for jobs which on paper should be my dream job. Only to not be too devastated when it didn't work out. In my head I want to be doing something with social media, blogging, weddings, I love working with children- I've looked at nannying etc. and also I miss teaching sex and relationships education in school. I know if CSCW had offered me a job at the end of my placement I would have jumped at the chance, unfortunately right now it's just not a possibility. 

So What's next? I keep working, I keep looking at possibilities, I keep doing Fridays nights at the youth club and I use my days off to do things I love: blogging, crafting, pinning wedding bits on pinterest. Putting my all in to my new job: learning lots, developing myself and making new friends.

And I'm going to keep praying, holding out and listening to God and I'm going to keep dreaming.

Until next time.... 

A Harvest of Blessing

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