Monday, 20 May 2013

Night Time Musings

About 24 hours ago I posted 4 tweets in close succession: 

"You know, the more I think about THAT Marilyn Monroe quote "you can't deal with me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.."The more I think it's crap!I don't want someone to "deal" with me. I want someone who journeys with me, loves me, prays with me, challenges me but who admits he doesn't have the answers or solutions + can't be strong + forgiving every time I mess up or struggle.And mostly I want someone who knows there's a God who CAN more than "deal" with me at my lowest. Ok, preach over (4/4)."


Today, between watching One Tree Hill and writing an essay on sex and relationship education (standard) I've had the chance to reflect on this further.

In the current relationship status that I'm in that cannot be defined by heart, mind, or facebook I've had a lot of opportunity to think about what I want from a relationship.

It's also given me the opportunity to do some reading specifically: "Boundaries in Dating" By Dr Henry Cloud (best. surname. ever) and Dr John Townsend. Now, these guys are pretty prolific writers about relationships, they know their stuff.

One specific thing they focus is on, is what you can live with and what you can live without. I guess in that tweet I summed up what I can live with and without.
I don't want someone who "deals" with my issues or dramas, or just puts up with me at my worst.

My friend Carlie once told me, my future husband will be someone who's strong enough to support me when I'm busy supporting everyone else, she took it a step further and said he'd be a muscley lumberjack, but with my penchant for skinny boys, it seems unlikely.

But she was right in one aspect: I seek someone of emotional strength who not only supports me, but challenges me... who doesn't let me get away with stuff just because I'm "hormonal" or "having a low day" and I guess that's where strength comes in, I can't be with a push over!

And: I can't be with someone who doesn't absolute believe in a God who's with me in the valleys and at the mountain peaks. - It's taken me a long time to recognise how essential this is to me. But when he can't support me, I'd at least like to know he's praying with me, journeying with me through the difficulties.

I've learnt a lot about love recently, specifically how love should look. I've said it so often recently but 1 Corinthians 13 shouldn't be written off as "the wedding verse" it's how we should model love and the kind of love we deserve from others. Critical to me at the moment, in this place of not knowing exactly what's going on but being ok about that is: patience.
So instead, I draw on this quote:

"I believe in true love... I believe love conquers all and that doesn't mean there won't be difficult things or stuff to deal with because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that they love you back it just makes it so much easier" 
- Haley James Scott, One Tree Hill

Journey with me further friend, I've got a lot to learn.



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