Tuesday, 10 May 2011

A Beautiful Mind or A Beautiful Heart

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason can be found. I am only here tonight because of you " - John Nash, A Beautiful Mind (2001) 


So, last night I watched A Beautiful Mind for the first time and I think it might now be one of my most favourite films. Afterwards, we discussed just how incredible the main character, John Nash's, (played by Russell Crowe) wife is. 
A Beautiful mind is based on the true story of genius, John Nash who is later diagnosed with crippling schizophrenia (note, he is NOT a "Schizophrenic. as with an illness it's a diagnosis not a label". 


His wife, Alicia stick by him, regardless of his anger, delusions, depression, lack of sexual function, nearly drowning their baby, hurting her and ultimately acting completely unlike the man she fell in love with and married. 


This got me thinking, isn't that the sort of partner we could only hope to be?
I remember once being told that the "litmus" test for a relationship would be if you could stay with someone after crippling illness or accident, if they were paralysed and potentially, there would be no recovery. Life would be changed completely.
My mum once nearly had to make this decision, when my step dad was in a horrific motorbike accident, we thank Jesus that he lived and nearly four years on, you wouldn't ever know he'd had an accident. But it's got to be a haunting moment right?


I give enough Kudos to the boyfriends who have dealt with my depression, one of whom stuck around from 6 months after diagnosis, for a further two years. Even now, he's one of the only people who can understand what I'm trying to say when I'm crying too much to talk properly. When I think about how I can be at my lowest, I do have the most intense respect for anyone who can stand by and deal with that, particularly if it's something they have never experienced before or had the opportunity to understand before. 


But schizophrenia is just so much bigger then most cases of depression, mine included. It genuinely made me wonder if, when I finally meet the one, I could stick around and support. If I could go against medical judgement and allow my mental unwell husband to stay in my house, around our children. Encouraging him to keep trying and pushing himself each day. Never knowing if the symptoms could arise their ugly head again, to put us all at risk. 


But ultimately, isn't that what a love between a wife and husband should be. Husbands are instructed to love their wife's as Jesus Christ loved the church, i.e. Unconditionally and it only seems right that wife's love their husbands to that extent to. 


Right now, I can't answer if I could stay and sit it out, as Alicia Nash did and still does. I can only hope that I never have to answer that question, that it will remain a rhetorical question at the back of my mind. 
For now though, Alicia Nash will become one of many female inspirations. I hope my heart, can be as beautiful as hers. 


"Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart"- John Nash (deleted scene) 



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